Greetings, this is Nelson Dozer of the Secular Civil Liberties United, or the SCLU.
We at SCLU are conscious of certain individuals, appreciating special days. I am here to reassure everyone that the SCLU is not opposed to special days. So, today I am here to introduce an SCLU special day. We will call it “Greeting Day.” This will be a whole day when all are welcome to exchange greetings in an unimposing and inoffensive way. On this day, when wishing to greet another individual, one needn’t speak or gesture, one simply will lick their index finger and place that finger directly into the air. The idea came to us when our founder, Morgan Stern, said insight-fully “one must always be aware of where the wind blows.” Of course in our case at SCLU if the wind blows the wrong way, we sue the wind.
At any rate “Greeting Day” will be a day that all can embrace, not literally obviously, but it will a day where we can all enjoy inoffensive greeting. Now, I know what many are thinking, seeing someone lick their finger is potentially offensive, not to mention the sanitary issues. We are one pragmatic step ahead of you, rather than licking one’s finger in plain sight, one will lick one’s finger under a jacket or behind a tree. Perhaps even that could be seen as offensive, and it doesn’t address the sanitary issues. So, we will suggest a further solution, one will simply place ones finger an inch or so in front of their lips, not licking and then place that finger directly in the air.
We are still in the creation process; excuse me, the discovery process of “Greeting Day.” If anyone has any suggestions, please contact us on our website, as soon as we get the stimulus money to put it back up. We are interested to see public input on our plans, but remember if we perceive anything potentially offensive, we’ll sue you.
If any of this was confusing to you, please go to realityslate.com and listen to episode 31.
Merry Christmas and have a safe and enjoyable New Year.
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